wildgrits

I’m doin a little dance.  For me. 

My first 10 pounds off since starting the first week in November.

I am so proud of how I did this weekend.  I think it has a lot to do with staying out of the house.  Saturday was my oldest daughters B-day party.   I did not partake of cake or pizza.  I really didn’t mind it.  I hate store cake anyways.  So I would have only been eating something I didn’t want to begin with. 

Sunday I hit the mall with my BF Lori.  She wanted a taco.  I headed down to the Beanery and got myself a Cafe Au Lait.  It was really good.  And I felt like I WAS having a treat while I walked around with that cup in my hand.

My mom took the girls to the Turning Stone Sunday night.  They can’t gamble so I don’t know what the draw is, but they love to go.  As with most casinos, there is a very nice buffet.  My mom has been hounding me to go.  I love a buffet so that is exactly why I didn’t go.  I would have torn that buffet out and then hit the same down hill sprial I always go into.

You know I just don’t get it.  Maybe it’s a mom thing.  My whole life my mom had me on one diet or another.  In college I weighed 135lbs.  And at the same time had a double D rack.  So I wasn’t fat.  I just couldn’t see my toes.  My weight started when I took the Depo shot.  I gained 20 pounds in one month.  Now tell me, what doctor doesn’t see something wrong with that?  The year I got married I was 160.  She was on my ass 24/7. 

But ever since I have had kids, she is all about food.  I tell her straight out, I don’t want to go to the casino.  I have no control in a buffet setting.  And meals that you get in a resturant are higher in calories than the ones we make at home.  I don’t want to be obese anymore.  And this is what I have to do in order to loose the weight.

Well anyways.  I’m down my first 10 pounds.  This is the first weekend that I don’t have to spend half the week making up for.  YEAH!!!!  WooHoo!!!

I really hate the weekends.  I love the not having to work.  But I really am left on my own when it comes to food.  Having 8 hours at work everyday means 8 hours away from my kitchen.  There is just no ability to binge.  The food isn’t there.  And this week was spend undoing the damage I did over the weekend.

I will just have to get my butt out of the house.

I did have one plus this week, other than the down one more pound.  My labido came back.  YEAH!!!!  It’s been missing for months now.

I would like to send a thank you out to all of you who greeted me so warmly.

For the last month now I have been writing in a journal but this feels more motivating than the quiet composition notebook I have been using.

There sure a many people here that have made incredible strides.  I can just imagine how life altering that has been for them.  When I read their blogs I wonder to myself what was that last straw that got them moving?

I did ok today.  I refuse to get into the rut of planning out each and every minute snack and meal of each and every day.  I find for me that causes me to obsess on food and causes my binges to be more frequent. 

Here at work I have a fridge.  I keep it stocked to Vanilla and Strawberry shakes and in my lockers Healthy Choices Soups.  My calorie allowance allows for up to three of these options.  I work 3rd shift so there is no chance of me getting take out or going somewhere on my lunch.  Once home from work, I have a bowl of bran cereal or cooked cereal of some sort.  For dinner I eat with my family.  We don’t eat very poorly.  I find that noodles and rice make me feel hungry so I opt for a slice of oat bread instead.  For snack I have a glass of v-8 and a glass of low fat milk. 

Boring?  Yes.  My binges aren’t because I want something I can’t have.  My binges are triggered by feeling bored.  I’m fat because I entertained myself with food and used it to choke back my feelings.  Oh and cause I don’t move enough.  That’s a given.

My motivation is the knowledge that if these fine Buddies here are able to get it off, there is no reason I should short myself the figure I deserve.  I have no physical ailments.  I’m just fat.

Howdy!

This is my first blog ever.  My name is Melissa, I am 39 years old and I have over 100 pounds to lose.  I am a 3rd shifter and have been for many years now.  I have two beautiful girls ages 12 and 11. 

Sadly this is not my first attempt to lose weight.  I have done Slim Fast, South Beach Diet and good ole calorie counting in the past.  Out of all of them, I found the most success when I did the South Beach Diet.  And by the most success I mean 20 pounds.  But that was when I was a stay at home mom.  These days I don’t feel I have the time to put towards that diet.  And I really don’t want to spend that much of my day thinking and preparing food.

Three weeks ago I was at an all time high weight wise.  I was 267 pounds.  I became so angry with myself and just about every aspect of my life. 

I decided it was time for a grand overhaul of my life.  I am sick of my weight, my cluttered and dusty house, my families lack of any sort of regime, and the lack of entertainment in my life.

So I am vowing to myself these things.

I will no longer entertain myself with food.  I instead will be more outgoing and plan dinners with friends and family and find place for my husband and I to go that aren’t centered around eating out.

I will not ignore to carpets that need vacuming, the table covered with crumb nor will I live out of my clean laundry baskets.  I will turn the TV off and rally the family nightly to improve our living enironment.

I will no longer ignore my personal appreance.  I’m not too sure what to do with this part yet.  I’m hoping as I lose weight, my skin will calm down on how greasy it is so that I can get more than an hour out of make-up.

And lastly, I will work harder at engaging my husband.  It has been so easy to sit back and feel neglected in my marriage telling myslef it is all his fault.  What a great excuse it has been to blame him on how I have let myself physically and emotionally deteriorate.

These are what I promise to myself from now on.  I will put myself first.  I will no longer sit in the corner hoping a fairy will come along and fix everything.  And in the same vain I will hold myself accountable from now on.

So today I am 261.  Six pounds lost.  I live in Albany and I am a member of the Ciccotti Center.  So if anyone is looking for a treadmill/bike buddy, I am available.  If your looking for an Eliptical/Aerobics buddy, well I am not there yet.  But I hope to be in three months.